I’m not sure what I’m doing. Well, that’s not entirely true. I knew what I was going to do. But since October started my objectives have been uprooted by bad choices, bad luck, and “bad brain” days.
Back in the summer I had begun to wonder why I even had this blog. What did I have to say? What did I want to say? Did I really care that much about responding to and writing about books I’ve read? Or, most importantly, what did I want this blog to be about?
Because as much as I like stories — especially fairy tales, legends, epics, and myths — I’m not a reviewer. That’s not my thing. I don’t think it ever was. I’m not against reflecting on a story I read, potentially ruminating on what I like in it, or discussing how it functions as a story and any, if applicable, style/plot/thematic details that inspire me. But I don’t have the drive or passion to maintain an entire blog on that premise. No way.
So if I don’t want to review stories or write about them all the time, what do I want?
Well, I’ve always wanted to share my writing. Talk about my ideas, my process, my weird little ever-evolving narratives. So I’m going to try to do that.
Originally, I had a three part post about my identity as a writer from when I was ten to now. But unfortunately while trying to schedule the second post on blogger it vanished! Poof! I spent three hours trying to find it. No luck. This has thrown me off for a couple reasons.
(1) It threw a wench in my “share my writer identity issues” and writing experiences because now I’m missing the most emotionally important part for my self-doubt and internalized “no one will ever care about my writing” mentality.
(2) It made me question my initial plan to start posting about my writing (and a semi-daily record of what I’m doing on various writing projects) on Blogger due to how it feels more organic, like a place where I can be messier, whereas WordPress always felt too professional for someone like me. But since losing the second post, plus Blogger generally giving me typing and technical problems, I’m not so sure I want to.
On top of that, the last few days have been busier than I’ve anticipated and my brain has decided to turn nasty and spew out negative self-thoughts, which has limited productivity.
Thus, as of tonight, I feel a bit frazzled by my goal to write about, well, writing. I still want to. But my prep for the next few weeks has splintered. It’s a shame I didn’t decide to start this plan the last week of September; I was doing well then. But I didn’t and I’m not. So what do you actually need to know?
In summation: from now on, I’m going to: (1) focus on exploring what writing/being a writer means to me, (2) keep a semi-daily record of my writing projects and what I’m doing, (3) share research, quirks, character development/backstory, and worldbuilding, when applicable, and (4) occasionally reflect or discuss stories I like or read.
And I guess that’s all. Thank you for your time and best blessings and wishes to all.