So, Nanowrimo…

tl;dr: Had one novel planned for Nanowrimo; at the last minute changed it to another one with a depressed character pov because I felt writing about her and working through her issues was more important, but in the first week I was more motivated to write 13 short stories instead. Currently, I am not doing Nanowrimo this month.

Had one novel planned (Nano.1) that was a detailed outline I was excited to get into. (Some of the details may have changed based on a comment raised whilst reading The Silmarillion.)

That novel was flipped at the last minute to a novel (Nano.2) about the conclusion of my Camp Nanowrimo because 1. it was easier to create character aesthetics and 2. I felt it would be more useful because it centered on a depressed/anxious character pov. i.e. it would be beneficial for me to write that story.

The trouble I now realize is even though I have characters and I have events staged for where the novel is supposed to go… It’s not really about anything except a character feeling like crap. (Okay, there’s a whole quest to find lost mirror shards that distort reality and emotion…) But I can’t figure out what it’s about.

Case in point: I compared Nano.2 to the other stories in its category (Lineage of the Moon) and this is what I got.

Wild Moon, White Tree – love is powerful and never dies even if it is condemned by others, lost of friendship, regrets, mistakes, kindness as king/ruler, beauty in the violence and lifestyle of demons, how demons are moonlight & woods at heart

Dragon Eye – the monster’s side of the story, terror of the unknown and synchronization with the unknown, learn to love what is Other to you, adapting to a new environment, sharing stories, invasive species, adaptation

Reflection  (or Camp Nano and Nano.2)– origin of Yuetec, broken mirror shards, depressed female pov, feeling worthless, remembering stories, fire demons, ancient Memar, spirits awaken, spirit animals for Seats, finding who you are (?), finding what path you should take (?), a witch makes everything bad happen so Kisiluri will feel so disappointed with others that she’ll live with the witch since they are the same (mixed blood and from the same land and coast)

What surprised me was how, while I have a plot, I don’t really have a story, if that makes sense. There’s no heart or theme. Which is funny since I originally started writing Reflection+ way back in 2009 because it just felt alive on its own merit.

By the autumn of 2009, it sputtered out in place of another novel (well, novel series) written between 2009-2011 that has gone through two major re-hauls and is now in it’s third (and hopefully last) one.

Which leads into what I had thought I would change my Nanowrimo to: 13 short stories about the major characters (protag. and antag.) from this novel series in a single year, one for each month plus an extra, prior to the series proper. I got a lot more written in it than for Nano.2. I was excited to do and had ideas. But that fell through on Sunday. I’ve been trying to work through my feelings of lethargy and broken-ness, I can’t seem to cooperate with myself.

I’ll probably still write the short stories, eventually. Because I want to. But I’m not sure if I’m doing Nanowrimo anymore this month.

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