Well, getting here, to type these words, was a challenge unto itself. Sorting through emails and passwords.
There’s an incongruity between a self-help card that says “forgive others” & “what you judge in others is a shadow-self of yourself” when the judgement is what you perceive others to think of your skills.
If I feel bad about myself because of how I feel from what others say, it’s not because I think badly of others. It’s that I perceive myself as not-belonging. So, to follow the premise set up by the card:
- forgive others for making me feeling bad (because I don’t write well or make sense / try to make my writing pleasing to others or what others would expect)
- recognize that what I judge in others (that they are competent and correct in their assessments & belong in a writing environment) is a reflection of myself
- let go of my unfair judgement of others and…???
The problem is that the entire premise is centered around the idea that one’s judgment is misconstrued. But if someone has bad feelings or judgments, not at others, but at themselves, for what they see as others being right about them in a way that impacts someone negatively or in an emotionally broken/I don’t belong way, then… How does the premise of: forgive/recognize/let go & see the unity make sense??
(I’m not sure this makes any sense. I’m kind of rambling my feelings.)
Something that has always puzzled me is how people who write original fiction find time to write fanfiction.
In my case, if I’m going to write, say, a 5k word story, it will take (generously) 8 to 9 months, including writing and revision. And that’s if I’m only focused on that writing project. Why would I take 2/3rd of a year to write fanfiction? And then if I wrote a fanfic bordering on novel-length…
I’ve always been impressed with fanfic writers. But I can’t wrap my head around how I could ever do that because of the time involved. If I’m going to write/revise a story, I need to focus on that story. If I try to balance, say, three stories, the progress is much slower.
I mean, to be fair, my writing ration to my revision ration is 3x or more. That is, if it takes me 3 months to write a novel, it will take me 9 months to revise it. Though if I’m honest, it’s a bit of a puzzle to calculate.
Pacifism doesn’t mean being passive; it doesn’t mean you submit. It’s still about resistance. Violence isn’t always resistance, but resistance should have an active element.
Since the year started, I’ve been trying to figure out how to act.
I tried to follow what others were doing.
I tried to copy others. Because what else is the world but copying? There’s the you at school, where you follow rules (sometimes leading to frustrated or unhappy results), do what’s expected, and there’s you at home, where you do what you want, act how you want. Additionally for me, there’s the impulse to be liked. And being liked means (and meant in college) being in-sync and agreeable to those around me. This stems from fear of being other and outcast
I tried to do what I could money-wise without having lots of money to spend. Then I stopped and thought: what would I do if I was me? And this is that.
Disclaimer: these are my uneducated opinions. I am not an expert. I only have strong, persistent opinions, acquired from listening to others, living life, and reading. If anyone notices any errors or misuse of words and meaning, let me know and I will correct any post or information.
Written 8/16/17 + 8/31/17
(with probable emphasis on the USA situation)
I wanted to post this at noon, but I was distracted.
Since 2017 started, I’ve wanted to do what I could for all the upheavals and dangers that been piling up. So far, this has prominently amounted to dontations and taking part in the Every Single Day Challenge (once with others and another time on my own.) I’ll still make dontations, but as I gnawed my brain for what I could do, seeing others set up finraising and offer services, I suddenly wondered: what would I do in the current social climate if I wasn’t trying to follow what I felt like everyone else was doing?
The answer, it turned out, was to speak up and share my thoughts.
I’m not expecting to make an impact and will continue to see donations as the main way to make a difference in my current life situation. But saying something, even if small and opinionated, is saying something. So, that’s what I’m going to do.
(In the coming weeks, I will be renaming, relinking, reconstructing, and reorganizing this blog. So if things are messy for awhile, that’s why. Thank you for your patience. Also, I won’t stop posting about writing or books, but these opinion pieces will probably be more prominent for now.)
Writing, as a category in my head and my life (because who doesn’t do that, right?) encompasses currently at minimum eight aspects. Aside from writing, revising, worldbuilding, and submissions, of the four still unresolved aspects of being a writer, the two most complex and snarled are:
(1) what and how do I want to —– internet?
The best way I can explain this dilemma is to say me and the figuring out what and how I want to — whatever — with my writing (?) on the internet is like having a recipe that includes peppers. I have the recipe. I know what to do. But I have green and red peppers. But which color do I use?
Additionally, how do I cut them, since the recipe doesn’t specify? How do I want the recipient of my recipe to experience the peppers? As tiny minced pieces? As large pieces? As cubes? It’s like that, but applied to writing and my overall creative life.
Also, as I change, this answer will change. I will need to assess and process this, and someday this will change and I will have to assess and analyze regularly.
(2) how I want to be a writer and what responsibilities should I do and can I do?
tl;dr: I’ve tried various times to create and categorize writing (and related) blogs. But I can never maintain interest (except in ones I delete or revise the intention of). Until I know what I’m doing with my writing and my various categories of purpose (for me, for fairy tales, for sharing stories, for sharing experience), I won’t be updating this blog on a regular basis, if at all. Thank you to everyone who read and commented on my weird little posts. 🙂
At the beginning of the year (February, to be precise), I typed up an initial post, which has been on my to-do list for…maybe a year?, about this blog. And it’s various incarnations.
The central question was why? Why do I even have this blog?
It started as a place to post detailed responses to books I’m reading or have read. But my motivation and interest in that only lasted so long.
Then it was supposed to be a writing blog, with posts of my writing, especially my daily writing exercises. The trouble with that was two-fold: making sure I didn’t publish anything online I wanted to publish in some other way (and the added analytical sieving to make sure the stories or vignettes I post/posted were not something I wanted to publish in some other way) and a lot of what I would post/posted weren’t really that important. About the most important bits I’ve posted about my writing is my Writing Demons posts.
Then it was supposed to be a place to post my experiences, struggles, and thoughts as a writer. But doing that felt too messy for a blog, so I made a writing journal. But that has since ground to a halt. Likewise, this blog’s venue as a writing blog has ground to a halt. And my question is why?
I was cleaning up my tags and categories for this blog (despite my decision which will post tomorrow), and I was amused that the biggest tags I saw were: adbat writes (at 300), daily writing (at 221), and adbat reads (at 110), and few others of similar note (i.e. writing, books, and fairy tales). It just tickled my fancy.